The price is high. The reward is great.

You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.
​
-- Maya Angelou 

I started reading Brené Brown's Braving the Wilderness recently and this quote above has been gnawing at me ever since (to the point where its the quote of the month of the fridge).

As I take this social distancing time to consider what it would be like to run my own consulting firm full-time with several employees or move toward independent scholarship, I'm met yet again with the feeling of not knowing what the hell I'm doing. Granted, as any first gen academic will tell you, this is nothing new. My own twitter tagline says first gen everything, so yes, I'm used to fumbling around in the dark, doing my best to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. The further along I get, though, the less of a path there is to be found. And now that I've run out of school (though part of me is considering an MBA if I want to run my own thing), I've been wondering since then what I'm supposed to do next to keep myself striving, humble and hungry, like it's my first song in the words of the poet, Jay-Z. 

I don't really know what I'm doing, I just kind of try stuff and hope for the best; learn what I can and then move on and either try to do better or try something else and hope for the best again. So like most things Brené Brown, it feels like she wrote for me specifically to read at the exact time I pick it up.

I'm looking forward to getting into the book more, since I'm just at the beginning. I'm hoping that it'll be clearer what I should do, but I'm guessing it'll be just getting more comfortable with the expanse of the I-don't-know's I live in now. 

PS - Yes, social distancing because for someone who's love language is physical touch, physical distancing and social distancing are the same thing.