It's pre-dawn in the college town that will be my home for the next few years and I can't sleep - in large part because I'm too excited/anxious about apartment hunting today (and also a little because we spent hours at the hotel pool yesterday and subsequently all passed out super early).

I've managed to narrow it down to 5-6 places to look at and really just want them to keep unnatural hours to fit my needs (and desire for more hotel pool time). Luckily, I don't have a vested interest in any of today's World Cup games, so it seems even the soccer gods are with me.

It's really real. I'm coming down here. To live. And study. And become what my sister refers to as "a degree doctor".

Desired apartment: 2 bedroom, one bath (the separate office that has revolutionized my life and work the past couple years is a must) that is reasonable for a grad student budget.

Aaaaahhhhh!!!!

As much as I'd like to pretend that I am immune, I have to admit that I do get scared from time to time.

This is one of those times.

I was living in my little bubble of happy neglect of the fact that I'll be starting school soon, partly because every time I thought about it all I wanted to do was load up my car and head down already. Then my countdown to classes reached 100 days and I heard back that I didn't get either of the teaching assistant positions for which I applied.

Way to burst my bubble there, reality.

I don't get no very often professionally (which I more than make up for everywhere else), so when I do its a pretty humbling experience. It is, however, a good reminder that im embarking upon something pretty difficult and generally unknown. Plus, I'm going to be around the cream of the crop who are as badass as I like to pretend I am. That's of course what I want, but damn it, I hate being scared. I used to say that all I wanted was a chance and I knew I'd be able to rock it from there.

Well, smarty, here's your chance. Don't screw this up.

Sigh. Less running now. Still stoked, but with an added dose of healthy trepidation.

Ugh.